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Accepting (and provoking) change

  • Writer: Lea Gouider
    Lea Gouider
  • May 7, 2024
  • 6 min read

Updated: May 14, 2024


Hi Oli-you,

I'm very happy to send you the 2nd Oli-letter. Thank you for being part of the movement!


In May, we're tackling a big topic: CHANGE. This oli-letter may feel intense, so feel free to read it as is, or come back to it whenever you feel like it during the month.

It's also a special edition because we have a little game. Every Monday of this month, I'll share with you tools to provoke reflections about change. 


Click here if you would like to receive them!




Let's start with its etymology

Change originates from the Latin 'cambiare', meaning 'to exchange' or 'to swap'. Its meaning has evolved to include transformation and variation, reflecting its dynamic nature. Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, teaches embracing change with calmness, focusing on what we can control, and accepting what is not.


But how do we really accept constant change in life that isn't entirely within our grasp? 


It is about our mindset, change can be exciting and facilitate growth, but how do we handle the uncertainty and the loss of control that comes with it?



Change in my life

I remember a conversation I had with a wise gentleman on the Parisian RER B a few years ago. He spoke about living in the present moment, seizing life by the horns, saying that life is too short to stay frustrated. A very Epicurean vision indeed. This conversation came to me at the right time; I was slowly starting to ask serious questions about my current job, about living in Paris... It was a first awakening - and from that moment on, I promised myself to have a life that didn't revolve around waiting for my three-week annual vacation. I wanted to look forward to Mondays. But back then, I didn't really take any initiatives at that moment. 


Because provoking change is hard. I experienced a severe burnout 5 years later (yes, 5 years!).


Since then, I've had all sorts of changes. I've moved overseas, I've started working on my own, I've opened up my romantic relationship. All of this naturally came with many moments of adaptation. 

Overall, these changes are chosen and positive. But of course, they also come with moments of doubt. A lot.


Because change is uncomfortable. It's heading into the unknown.


So, here's a little reminder for everyone (and for myself): It's OK to pivot, to change your mind, to not know, to be different. 


Because it means we're evolving.


This month, I invite you to look at your situation from a different perspective, to question things that are deeply rooted in you. 

And even in your daily life - try something you've always disliked for example. From my side, I recently regretted not trying the deviled eggs prepared with love by a friend - because I was convinced I didn't like hard-boiled eggs, but in fact, they did look delicious.



WHAT WE DON'T LEARN IN SCHOOL (AND DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHEN WE'RE ADULTS) 📖


I found a smile-worthy illustration on Instagram and reflected on how the abundance of choices in today's world may make change easier (and more complicated at the same time) compared to years ago.


My 13 personal tricks to accept (and provoke) change 

(yes 13, we're not afraid)

  • Every decision isn’t final - making the change feel lighter.

  • Don’t compare yourself - the grass is green where you water it, not on the other side.

  • Everything will be fine!! Let’s de-dramatize our feelings. 

  • Create routines to feel grounded - find order in disorder.

  • And then break those routines - go on a weekend getaway, do something you've never done before, travel, be curious, be interested in others. Get some fresh air, go for a walk.

  • Ask yourself 'what's the worst that can happen?' or 'If I stopped lying to myself, what would I do/say?'.

  • Be patient - lay the bricks today for the house you want to live in tomorrow.

  • Borrow courage from your future self - a trick I discovered recently and has been powerful. Tell yourself: 'what would my future self do?'.

  • Take some ‘me time’ - since I've had a lot of recent changes in my life, I need a lot of time for myself.

  • When you're in a period of change, don't forget to enjoy the present moment - have fun.

  • Normalize "I don't know" - It's OK not to know. Be patient and let’s stop chasing an ideal!! Enjoy the process of searching, discovering, and not just reaching the goal.

  • Share to clarify! Call your best friend, or that person who has the superpower of listening, to find the right actions to take. A conversation can be a trigger or unlock a thought.

  • Get moving, literally! If you choose to change, congratulations! But now the hardest part remains - take action, to not to stay in frustration. Baby steps are sometimes enough :)



5 QUESTIONS TO MARIA ☀️


I met Maria at my co-working space a little over a year ago. Maria is Spanish, originally from Zaragoza. Nowadays, when she's not traveling, she lives in Barcelona. She left her job as a designer to wor as a freelancer and pursue her dreams. Traveling, writing a book, opening a podcast channel - Maria embraces change and has developed a great ability to overcome obstacles.






How has change been present throughout your journey?

When I was a teenager, things weren't going well—I was living in anger and sadness. That feeling is what motivated me forever. I often say that I created myself, consciously crafting the woman I am today.


What does change mean to you? What does it bring you?

Change is about learning and evolving. It's about flourishing. You have to listen to your intuition a lot. If I hadn't followed it, I think I would be very sad today. Luckily, I listened to myself!

But, be aware, change also brings a lot of pain, it's a lot of work! It's not easy for me, or for my loved ones. Sometimes, you change and people keep seeing you as you were before. They stick the label you had before. That was the case with my family, for example, or a few friends.


What are the challenges in facing change?

Sometimes I wonder: why put myself in a situation that makes me unhappy? When I started dancing burlesque, for example, a part of me said "you're too much"—I was ashamed of dancing, of my body..

But now I see that I have an inner strength. I hold on until it's not so uncomfortable anymore. I see that I have great resilience and persistence because I've been making changes since my adolescence. I love it when my mother says, "Who would have thought that of you?"


If you could talk to yourself from 10 years ago, what would you say to her?

I would thank her. I believed in myself much more than I thought. And one thing I often remember is that no one can help you change. You are the only one who can do it. You can seek help, yes. But in the end, it's up to you.


What inspires you today?

Love and affection (el ‘cariño’). I pay particular attention to these details and the ways we interact everywhere—at work, on the street...




BITS AND BOBS TO GET INSPIRED THIS MONTH 🌈




  • I’m curious about Switch or other organizations that assist people in professional change. Are they a good option to offer a frame for professional change? 


  • I'm interested in attending the next Change Now event, an opportunity to engage with impactful businesses and feeling optimistic about the positive changes occurring in the world.


  • I was inspired by Bella Baxter from the movie "Poor Things", noting her journey of transformation from a woman with limited agency and power to someone who challenges perceptions and asserts her autonomy.




OLI-REFLECTION 💭


This month, I encourage you to enter exploration mode: allow May to be filled with self-reflection and with fun as you explore what little and big changes will make you feel alive!

 

For one month, I will send you a tool for reflection at the beginning of the week 

It starts tomorrow.





And finally, let this French expression be your motto for the month - en mai fais ce qu’il te plait!

 

‘In May, do as you please!’

 

PS. If you enjoyed this Oli-letter, share it with those you love. They can receive the following ones by signing up here.

 
 
 

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